Tea for Two


Put a kettle on officiated the Minister of Prime
Steaming right up chortled the Minister of Crime
We can skim this cream right from under their nose
Split it two ways without stepping on any toes

A minute or two later the blind butler walks in
In a tattered overcoat, shoe leather thin
Where shall I set it oh Minister of Prime
Here will do fine chimed the Minister of Crime

From the unusual teapot, steam it arose
Whistling from both ends with a hollow echo

Why what do we have here demanded the Minister of Crime?
A teapot for two, retorted the Minister of Prime

That’s one spout for your arse and one for your pie hole
So drink it all up before you go,
replied the indignant butler with shoes made of holes
Or if you please honorable Minister of Crime
It’s for forked tongued politicians like the Minister of Prime.
Either way, this you should know
Tea for two doesn’t leather my soles

*note – I would like to thank eBay seller Vintage Things Forever from the UK for the use of the photo from one of their listings, which was the inspiration for this poem. So be sure to stop by and pay them a visit.  They sell lots of nice vintage kitchen utensils such as hard to come by wooden rolling pins. 

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AB Bookman’s 1948 Guide to Describing Conditions


AB Bookman’s 1948 Guide to Describing Conditions:

  • As New is self-explanatory. It means that the book is in the state that it should have been in when it left the publisher. This is the equivalent of Mint condition in numismatics.
  • Fine (F or FN) is As New but allowing for the normal effects of time on an unused book that has been protected. A fine book shows no damage.
  • Very Good (VG) describes a book that is worn but untorn. For many collectors this is the minimum acceptable condition for all but the rarest items. Any defects must be noted.
  • Good (G) describes the condition of an average used worn book that is complete. Any defects must be noted.
  • Fair shows wear and tear but all the text pages and illustrations or maps are present. It may lack endpapers, half-title, and even the title page. All defects must be noted.
  • Poor describes a book that has the complete text but is so damaged that it is only of interest to a buyer who seeks a reading copy. If the damage renders the text illegible then the book is not even poor.
  • Ex-library copies must always be designated as such no matter what the condition of the book.
  • Book Club copies must always be designated as such no matter what the condition of the book.
  • Binding Copy describes a book in which the pages or leaves are perfect, but the binding is very bad, loose, off or non-existent..



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Major League Baseball Standings

Team W L % GB
SLN 90 72 .556 0
PIT 88 74 .543 2
MIL 82 80 .506 8
CIN 76 86 .469 14
CHN 73 89 .451 17